Growing Pains and Stretchmarks are Good for the Soul!

Hello! How have you been?

I hope you are all having a great start to your week! And most of all, I trust you are basking in the beauty of sunshine this summer season has brought us to enjoy in all its glory!

I feel as if I begin every blog post with "Sorry, it's been a while... I promise to do better," I could make excuses and say it isn't going to be the case - but it totally is. It's been forever it seems since I put myself out there in this format and checked in.

So, yes, it has been a while. We've had so much going on it would make your head spin. The best announcement of all is that our precious grandbaby was born in January! Sandra May Robinson was born and our world changed for the better. We've spent the better part of 6 months hoping, wishing, planning for a trip East to see her. We changed our minds and plans a hundred times. Some days were darker than other and it looked like maybe we'd have to cancel altogether. I clung to a tiny sliver of hope things would all work out for the longest time until that tiny sliver finally became a reality.

I'm happy to say that we have just returned from a 10 day vacation to the East Coast and finally got to see our daughter, her fiance, and our beautiful grandbaby!!!! We soaked up every second we could of her sweet smile and it hurt so much having say goodbye to them all. Let me tell you - we did a LOT of ugly crying when we left! But I'll be forever thankful for the time we got to spend together and time will never erase the precious memories we made each day there.

It wasn't until after we got home that we realized how much that time away was needed. It was a time to think, a time to grow, a time to face fears, wipe tears, and regroup with a new perspective.

We faced ourselves somewhere along the way and took a long, hard look at where our life is and where we'd like it to be. Those two realms were very far apart it seems.

We sat down this weekend and examined it all - the good, the bad, the ugly truths we've been disguising as "excuses not to truly live." That's all they are - excuses.

Even writing this today - I struggle to find the right words to express how I'm truly feeling. What I'm thinking. You see, I"ve made excuses for far too long and allowed myself to believe that what I write, the words I pour out on paper, a reflection of my own heart at time, don't matter. Why would anyone care what I have to think? About how I feel? About the stories I write and create from my own imagination?

My books aren't selling the way I'd like them to. No one seems to notice our posts we throw up on social media to market ourselves. What's it going to take to turn that around?

Wait just a minute - you mean that 1 single post you had barely enough ambition to throw up on Facebook almost 6 months ago and didn't put your heart into even writing? The one you almost apologized for posting because you didn't want to bother anyone.

You mean you aren't selling the books you aren't even promoting? The ones you haven't given a second thought about for weeks. The ones you seem almost embarassed to tell anyone about. Hmmm. That seems odd. I wonder why it isn't working?!

Okay, I'm being sarcastic, of course. I know why it isn't working! But I desperately want to change that! I want to change my mindset, my thought patterns. I want to eliminate negativity, and fear, and doubting myself.

So we had a few deep, soul-discovering conversations about the things we really want from ourselves, from each other, and from life and the future we someday wish to achieve. And you know what? It hurt.

But once we allowed ourselves to feel all the feels and not live in denial about the negative head space we'd gotten stuck in before we left for vacation, we were able to take a step back and see things from a new perspective.

And then - we made vision boards this weekend!

We re-examined the things we want to achieve. The goals we want to reach. The wanderlust we want to define. And we decided that it's never too late to take the leap of faith, wipe the slate clean, and start all over again. In 20+ years of marriage, we've done it a million times to help our relationship grow. So why not allow ourselves, individually, the same right?

I called my Vision Board "One Day... or Day One... It's Your Choice!" I can either choose to wait for "One day." For everything in the Universe to align perfectly so I can finally be ME. The ME I've always dreamt of being.

OR...

I can choose to start today - at Day One - and make the changes needed to make my dreams come true.

Sure, I'm going to experience the hardness wrapped in deeply feeling growing pains as I emerge stronger on the other side.

I'm going to create ugly, deeply rooted stretch marks as I uncomfortably yank myself from this miserable negativity of fear, self-doubt, and past life commandments holding me down as I learn to become a better version of me.

But on the other side of those scars, I can see a once-broken women with a renewed sense of strength, of purpose, of becoming. And I see Peace. I see Calm. I see ME!

I'm finding my inner voice again - the one kept stifled for so long. I will no longer be silenced and I will let the words flow freely, both in spoken and written expressions of my heart.

I'm finding the inner musician I've kept at bay because I was too busy to let her out to play. I will write lyrics, create the notes and keys that literally are my lifeblood when all else is crumbling around me. I will allow my music to heal me from the inside out, and I will let my light shine for all to see - no matter what anyone else thinks of me.

I'm finding the little girl who wants to play, wants to break free of the molds she was expected to be, who longs - who craves - to be amongst nature to thrive. The one who wants to explore, to travel, to set her soul free to find the beauty only this world can provide. I will grasp these new ideals and will become healthy and whole once again. Just you wait and see.

So... for all those of you who thought I didn't have it in me, you were so very, very wrong.

I'm working on a new me - growing pains, stretch marks, and all. And this time - I'm doing it all for me.

I hope you'll stick around and see what I'm about to become. I can't promise it is going to be easy - for any of us - to truly change.

But I do promise, if you'll travel along with me on this journey of self-discovering my purpose and who I'm truly mean to be- it will never be boring. I can promise you that.

In fact, I beleive with all my heart, that it's going to be one hell of a magical ride!

Goodbye for now, but I'll be back soon to share some of the thoughts and hopes and dreams I have tickling this big adventurous brain of mine!

Until then, take care of yourselves. May I inspire you to want to dig deep, too, and find the you that you've kept locked away, just waiting for the right moment to emerge.

I'm here to tell you that it's never too late. You're not too old. You're not too weak. You're not too broken to heal. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and then show the world what you've got. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Piece by transforming piece.

I"m proud of you for starting at YOUR day one. Right here. Right now.

Now, let's do the work and make some changes. We've got a world to change - and I'm going to let it begin with me!

See Ya on the Flip Side!

Love ya all!

~ Sadie